Proudly Corrupting America Since 1776

Atheists and Gays:
With their "reasoned arguments"!
They're worse than the Jews!

Clearly, I'm Not Above Making the Cheap Shots

Pond scum biofuels?
Does this mean we'll soon fuel cars
With Republicans?

Bet You Feel Better Already

Life's gotten rotten,
But take heart! It could be worse.
You're not a Cylon.

Sci Fi is Worse than Crack

A new season nears.
I quiver with geekiness.
Starbuck's a Cylon?

Thank GOD

I count the minutes.
My week's wretched servitude
Is almost over.

Class Dismissed

Now remember, kids,
Angry retoric's okay,
So long as you're white.

AdSense, You'll Pay for This

My ads alarm me:
"God," "Jesus Quiz," "Child Abuse."
Google, what the hell?

Firewall This, Beijing

China, stop bitching.
No one made you host the games.
Enjoy your spotlight.

Soon Bush will Deliver Speeches in Pig Latin

It all makes sense now:
Plans scrambled past coherence,
Can't be refuted.

(For real, WTF?
Subject, Verb, Direct Object!
It can't be that hard!)

I Wish No One Had Ever Told Me This

<3 is "heart,"
Or, if you're an utter perv,
Sideways testicles.

If I Didn't Choose to Write This, Did I Really Write It?

Free will's a lie. Proof:
Stop reading this poem. Now.
You're still here? I win.

L'esprit de L'escalier

"Hyperlink Haikus,"
Someone called this blog today.
Wish I'd thought of that.

I Checked, and Double-Checked. They're Serious.

Oh, Lord! Bless this blog,
So it may better mock n00bs,
In Thy grace, Amen.

Let Me Get This Straight:

God created man,
Then endowed us with reason,
Then screamed, "DON'T USE THAT!!!"

All Those Murders Weren't My Fault After All

AH HA! I knew it!
Google does control my brain.
Free will's a cruel farce.

Wait...

Bad news: Writer's block.
No haiku for you today.
Muse is slacking off.

You Can't See Miracles if You're Blind, Dumbass

The Virgin Mary:
Venus Fly Trap for Morons?
Faith's a cruel mistress.

That's Two More States Added to My "Dead to Me" List

The moon's made of ham.
I believe it, so it's true,
If you trust Texas.

Notice "Hypocrisy" Didn't Make the List

"Social Injustice"?
Like, denying gays marriage?
Irony-licious.

He Does Seem to Get Misplaced a Lot

Have I found Jesus?
He's missing? I didn't know!
Check under your bed.