Sci Fi is Worse than Crack

A new season nears.
I quiver with geekiness.
Starbuck's a Cylon?

Thank GOD

I count the minutes.
My week's wretched servitude
Is almost over.

Class Dismissed

Now remember, kids,
Angry retoric's okay,
So long as you're white.

AdSense, You'll Pay for This

My ads alarm me:
"God," "Jesus Quiz," "Child Abuse."
Google, what the hell?

Firewall This, Beijing

China, stop bitching.
No one made you host the games.
Enjoy your spotlight.

Soon Bush will Deliver Speeches in Pig Latin

It all makes sense now:
Plans scrambled past coherence,
Can't be refuted.

(For real, WTF?
Subject, Verb, Direct Object!
It can't be that hard!)

I Wish No One Had Ever Told Me This

<3 is "heart,"
Or, if you're an utter perv,
Sideways testicles.

If I Didn't Choose to Write This, Did I Really Write It?

Free will's a lie. Proof:
Stop reading this poem. Now.
You're still here? I win.

L'esprit de L'escalier

"Hyperlink Haikus,"
Someone called this blog today.
Wish I'd thought of that.

I Checked, and Double-Checked. They're Serious.

Oh, Lord! Bless this blog,
So it may better mock n00bs,
In Thy grace, Amen.

Let Me Get This Straight:

God created man,
Then endowed us with reason,
Then screamed, "DON'T USE THAT!!!"

All Those Murders Weren't My Fault After All

AH HA! I knew it!
Google does control my brain.
Free will's a cruel farce.

Wait...

Bad news: Writer's block.
No haiku for you today.
Muse is slacking off.

You Can't See Miracles if You're Blind, Dumbass

The Virgin Mary:
Venus Fly Trap for Morons?
Faith's a cruel mistress.

That's Two More States Added to My "Dead to Me" List

The moon's made of ham.
I believe it, so it's true,
If you trust Texas.

Notice "Hypocrisy" Didn't Make the List

"Social Injustice"?
Like, denying gays marriage?
Irony-licious.

He Does Seem to Get Misplaced a Lot

Have I found Jesus?
He's missing? I didn't know!
Check under your bed.

Apologies to Robert Frost

We'll end in fire,
Or in ice. Or possibly
In Terminators.

Gloomy Days Bring Out my Inner Wrath of Khan

Dreadful clouds outside,
They match the fog in my brain.
Curse you, S.A.D.! Curse you!!!

A Horrible Nightmare Vision

The Thursday night fear:
What if I wake in a world
Where it's not Friday?

Although the Latter's Not Usually a Problem

Our only limits
Are our will, knowledge, patience,
And caffeine intake.

If Only

Obscure Dem bylaw:
Resolve ties through lightsabers.
Use the Force, Barack.

Hemmingway > Melville

Don’t mistake the Terse
For Stingy, nor the Verbose
For Munificent.

Back to Work, Bitches

The server is up.
Needed: New excuse to slack.
IT here to stay.

How Awesome is Buffy?

Buffy's so awesome,
That after five years off air,
She still makes the news!

Finally, a Legit Excuse Not to Do Anything

The server is down.
Distressed employees wander.
IT gets outsourced.

Try to Wrap Your Brain Around That

A million million:
Dollar sign, One, Twelve zeros
Take all that--times two.

A Case of the Mondays

I feel my brain die,
Like ice left out in the sun.
Chimps could do this job.

I Have These Thoughts Sometimes

What if Superman's
Jesus' Second Coming
But no one told him?

They're Really Not That Different

Hillary Clinton
Has five syllables. So does
Barack Obama.

Streisand Bless This Blog

Do me a favor:
Sue me off the Internet.
I need more traffic.

I'll Give Him This

While Bush is shameful,
He's not always odious.
Sometimes he's asleep.

Randall Munroe is Crapping His Pants Right Now

Horrifying news!
Did you know Raptors could FLY?
Monsters with four wings.

Like Having a Song Stuck in Your Head, But More Annoying

Write enough of these,

You start to think in haiku.

Three line thought prisons.